Meditation/Reflection Series

Hello and welcome to a new Reflection/Meditation Series. Over the next who knows how long/how often I will be posting meditations/reflections. This may be a total flop and end quickly or depending on how I feel it may become a multi-season series with many parts/episodes per season.

This series is inspired by a task from my previous job (a task I assigned myself based on feedback). Every Tuesday from 4:00-4:30 I would lead a guided meditation. I was fortunate enough to be working on a campus with a beautiful meditation room.  My goal was to ensure this time was welcoming and available to all students, faculty, and staff regardless of faith tradition. 

The goal each week was to provide a couple of minutes of quiet as they entered the room. I often had some background music playing at first just from my phone, then through a Bluetooth speaker, then through the speakers in the room itself. That's when I knew I was getting real fancy! I searched meditation music on YouTube and found this CLICK HERE to listen. I've used it/greatly enjoyed it ever since. Not too much not too little, the perfect amount of relaxing. After folks got settled I would start a 10-15 minute guided meditation. Sometimes this was a prewritten meditation from a book I have, with some ad-libbing of course. Other times it was something I wrote beforehand, with some ad-libbing of course. Still, other times it was something I made up on the spot based on the mood of the room, the weather outside, or what was happening in the world/campus around us. 

After the guided meditation there would be time to just listen to the music and then slowly the music would become quieter and quieter until you couldn't hear anything. This complete silence never lasted for too long as those attending would gather their things/themselves and start to depart. These sessions rarely lasted the full 30 minutes, but always provided those attending with time to simply sit and be. They could listen to me and be guided by the meditation or focus on the music or simply wander amongst their own thoughts. No matter what the time was meant to be a gift to themselves. 

In future posts, I will of course give them a title but also provide an indication that the post is part of the meditation/reflection series. All of these will be able to be stand-alone reflections/meditations, but may also benefit from being read/experienced in order. I will do my best to create a clear system for indicating/sharing my thoughts on that to start each post. 

Welcome to the new series. 

Below you will find pictures of the meditation room. The first is a picture of the building from the outside. The meditation space is on the second floor with those beautiful floor-to-ceiling windows. The pictures that follow are courtesy of a dear friend who took time out of a very busy day to snag the photos and shows the meditation space from the inside. To say it was a beautiful space is an extreme understatement. 

Doors before entering the meditation space

The room itself.

Doors as you exit.

Views from the windows.

Damn Semantics!

The other day (by this I mean several weeks ago) I was able to spend time with one of my friends and his family. In fact, I was fortunate enough to spend time with them all twice in the space of a single week. Since this was just the other day I'm not struggling to remember if that happened at his birthday party or at the lake house his family vacationed at for a week. Most assuredly however I do remember that at one of these encounters my friend's mom made a comment about how her son and I met playing chess and became friends as a result. For some reason, instead of just saying yes, or letting the comment pass by without a comment I felt the need to clarify and say, "well no, we didn't meet playing chess, we became friends and then mostly during our senior year in our free time we would play chess from time to time." 

To this moment I still don't know why it was important to me that I make this clarification. It had no merit and no impact on the situation. As I think back on the exchange if anything I worry that I offended my friend's mom by correcting her. 

Now perhaps no one better than my own mother knows how ridiculously particular I can be. For years and years, especially my high school years my mom and I would go back and forth arguing over semantics. To this day she will say one thing, mean something drastically different and at times not understand why that drives me nuts. 

For years and years, I've been overly difficult at times when it comes to using more precise language and have found myself seemingly needlessly arguing over semantics. The other day someone kept referring to buying curtain rods and curtains as buying blinds. I was honestly confused/misunderstood. I will say I was successful in not correcting this person or making a big to do about it. 

And yet there are times when I myself am less precise and don't seem to give a damn about semantics and use phrases interchangeably. So I'm left to wonder, why do I care so much about the damn semantics? At least, why do I care so much sometimes about the damn semantics? 

I think the answer is because sometimes it actually matters. One such example that comes to mind in this area is when it comes to nature and the outdoors. Anyone who knows me knows I don't prefer the outdoors. I am not someone who is going to spend their free time out in the sun, on the beach, hiking, or anywhere that may lead me to any discomfort. So I've come to say I don't prefer the outdoors, I don't do the outdoors, though I may look like a mountain man, I'm no outdoorsman. I don't even own flannel in order to not die from overheating and to avoid the comparison to a lumberjack. 

Nevertheless, I have a deep love and appreciation for the outdoors and for nature. If you wander my house and office you will see a number of pieces of artwork depicting the outdoors and nature. If you ask for me to write a meditation or reflection, or ask to read some of the reflections/meditations I have already written you will learn that I have a great love for and respect of nature. I've even contemplated writing an entire series of reflections that I share here on this blog that would have a great deal to do with nature and the outdoors. The simple reality is that I just prefer to experience nature and the outdoors from the indoors. 

These are the moments when it becomes so desperately important for me to be precise and care about the damn semantics. Even if I don't want to spend my time in nature, I still have an abiding love and admiration for all she has to offer. It's complicated. As a result, I want to make sure I'm clear in my communication so that you too can be clear in your understanding. I'm not an outdoors person, but I do love nature... It doesn't make sense, it may seem contradictory, yet nevertheless, it is true. 

Peace and Blessings Always

Cordially, sincerely, yours, take care, kind regards, be well, thanks, best, and on and on and on. These are but a few of the many many many sign-offs used in emails in a daily basis. When I established my "grown up" email account my senior year of high school. I spent more time than was likely needed thinking about what my signature would be, could be, and should be. 

While I'm confident I spent more time pondering this than the average person I'm glad I did. More than 10 years later multiple jobs and emails and I'm still using the same sign-off in my email signature. Now I'm sure if you've read the last couple of blog posts you are sick and tired of hearing about my damn emails (enjoy a nice video of Bernie Sanders expressing similar sentiments about Hillary Clinton's emails https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOOfwN0iYxM). 

For all these years and what I imagine must be thousands upon thousands of emails, not to mention the old school letter and cards I send using the same sign-off, and some of my past blog posts, you see the same phrase, Peace and Blessings Always. 

For me, it was the right balance of religious but not too religious. Now perhaps that shows my own bias and there are those who I have inadvertently made uncomfortable over the years with the phrase. Yet even so, when I think about the reasoning behind why I settled on that phrase it doesn't have to be religious at all. 

I found myself reflecting (pondering if you will) on why I settled on this phrase twice in the past year, most recently during a conversation with a friend over drinks and before that in a Christmas card I received from a friend. 

Starting with the Christmas card my friend stated her appreciation for our friendship and then referencing herself and her adorable dog she said 'what a blessing I have been to their lives.' Now this perhaps is too high of praise, but in reading her card and in my response to her in the Christmas card I sent I reflected on that being a primary goal of my life and existence. To be a blessing. Now, obviously this is the part of my sign-off phrase that is religious and potentially off-putting. But it isn't meant to be and I don't think it has to be limited to the religious understanding of the term. For me when I say blessings it simply means all good things. May your life and your day be filled with good things. Things that bring you joy and happiness, peace and contentment. It doesn't have to be from God but instead can be from each of us to each other. 

More recently my friend shared with me that she has been reflecting (perhaps even pondering) in her own life on things and if they are bringing her joy or suffering. Worrying about the cleanliness of a house before friends come or even deciding not to have friends over because the house isn't clean... joy or suffering. 

For me, this resulted in recalling another recent situation with this same friend at a meeting we were at when we were asked what is bringing us joy in our lives. When it comes to fun and joy I find myself most often responding dismissively, "Oh I don't do fun" "Joy isn't my thing" "Who even has the time" but as I take the time to think about these things it's not that I don't do fun or that joy isn't my thing. More accurately I think there are times when instead of thinking about joy and fun as what I am longing for instead I am longing for peace, something that does bring me joy and that I do find to be fun (whatever that means). Now perhaps I'm just making distinctions where there is no real difference (be on the lookout for a new blog post talking more about that) but even if that's the case it's how I feel, or at least what I'm currently thinking on the topic. 

All this to say, I hope in your day, your week, your month, and even your year, you find things that are bringing you peace and all things good. As I spend my day reflecting I find myself more and more realizing I want to be a blessing to those around me and I want to find peace. 

So with that, I say... 

Peace and Blessings Always

~Mike

"No Answers Only Questions"

 Riding with me can be a bit of an adventure. No not because of my reckless driving. In fact, on more than one occasion I've been reminded I no longer drive a Buick, not need to drive like a grandpa. While I certainly spent some time as a youth rushing from place to place I'd like to think my motto of don't be hasty not only applies to my walking, decision making, speech pattern, and most every other aspect of my life, but also to my driving (the handful of speeding tickets also helped me learn to slow down while driving and be a bit more cautious). 

No the reason why riding with me (at least the reason for this post) has much more to do with the fancy new car I have that connects to my phone. From listening to an audiobook at two times the speed, or one of my favorite NPR podcasts one is never too certain what will come on the radio when I'm driving. This is particularly true if I haven't been listening to a podcast or audiobook recently. In those events, my phone automatically goes to my iTunes and starts to play the music I have there. The only problem with this is I've not gone about adding music to my phone ever. The only music that is readily available in iTunes comes from one specific playlist. This is the purchased playlist. I have not actively purchased anything from iTunes since I was in college. More specifically much of the music that I did purchase from iTunes was done during my high school years. Like I said, riding with me can be one hell of an adventure. Beyond attempting to navigate the eclectic taste in music I had from when I was 14 to 22 there is another unique category of music that can be found in that playlist. 

That is the category of music specifically purchased for my dad that I helped him add to an iPod shuffle he had. He would give me cash or an iTunes gift card and I would buy whatever album he wanted, add it to the "dad" playlist and transfer the music to his iPod every so often. For the most part, I never gave the songs much thought or attention. Truth be told I completely forgot about this until I was driving and couldn't figure out what some of these songs were and why they were on my phone. I then remembered this ancient practice of purchasing music and putting the songs on the iPod. 

More often than not, I find myself skipping these songs. However, there was one in particular that I've come to really enjoy. I don't know why I first listened to it, maybe I liked the tone that it set, maybe I was just too slow skipping (after all one must not be too hasty). 

The song in question is the title of this reflection: No Answers Only Questions (Final Version) by The Alan Parsons Project (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xH59A_8M3A). 

If you've never heard of this song give it a listen (link above). Listening to this song on repeat last week helped inspire me to write the last two reflections I shared. It helped remind me that it's ok to sit with the questions. I hope you find this song and its lyrics as beautiful, calming, and comforting as I do. 

Some of us laugh,

Some of us cry,

Some of us lay back - watch the world go by.

Some of us fear,

Some of us hate,

Some of us won't wake up 'till it's too late!

The distance between us is a mystery to us all,

The difference between us is so small!

There are no answers, only questions

And we're all strangers to the truth

But in my mind's eye

I have found the reason why

And I carry the burden of the proof.

Why do we fight?

Why do we fall?

Why do we stand there - backs against the wall?

Why don't we change?

Why don't we try?

Why don't we turn 'round, help the other guy?

The distance between us is a mystery to us all,

The difference between us is so small

There are no answers, only questions

And we're all strangers to the truth

But in my mind's eye

I have found the reason why

And I carry the burden of the proof

And I carry the burden of the proof.

New Chapters: The Future of a Blog

 In my last post, I provided a brief history of this blog and roughly twelve reasons (excuses) for why my commitment to writing reflections dropped off. Perhaps one of the biggest reasons (not an excuse) was a massive case of writer's block brought on by ridiculous expectations. See the truth is when it comes to my writing and reflections I have a fairly low level of confidence. Sure there are certain pieces that I think are amazing, certain research papers from school that I take a particular level of pride in, but all in all, over the years I've found myself questioning why I bother putting thoughts to paper (even electronic paper). I found myself thinking that if there wasn't anything truly uniquely profound or new that I was sharing what was the point of sharing at all. 

Fortunately, over the years I have had a number of supportive friends who have always encouraged my writing. Yet never the less I wondered what was the purpose of me writing these blogs posing questions if I couldn't answer them with some kind of brilliance. 

In December I was reminded by a friend that sometimes what can be most appreciated is asking the questions, truly sitting with them, and letting them bother me. In a more recent conversation with that same friend, I was talking with them about a Dominican Motto that I have had in my email signature since (I think February) 2014. This motto "Contemplare et contemplata aliis tradere" "To contemplate and share with others the fruits of our contemplation" has been something I have personally identified with deeply since I spent time visiting the Dominican Priory in St. Louis in February of 2014. During this most recent conversation, I was giving myself a hard time saying I am exceptionally good at the first half of the motto. I greatly enjoy sitting and contemplating. Or as I often say with other friends I greatly enjoy sitting and pondering Something I do so much my friend Brian and I as well as my friend Kara and I have our own inside jokes (mostly just them making fun of me) about me sitting around always pondering. 

With this motto in mind and more specifically with a desire to be more committed to the second half, not just the first my goal for this blog, the new about me section, is to share fruits. The fruits may not always be picture-perfect, they may not be polished and brilliant, and at times it may be nothing more than sharing some questions that have been bothering me or explaining insights into how I think about things and go about my day-to-day existence. 

So if you're ever wondering what has Mike been thinking about lately hopefully you won't need to look too much further than this blog. 

My home office/study/almost library aka one of my favorite views when pondering. 

Old Chapters: The Brief History of a Blog

 If you were to take a close look at the blog you might notice that I first started writing these reflections in 2015. While that appears to be the case the reality is that I actually created this blog way back in 2011. It was spring. I was graduating high school, I had just gotten a new laptop and was getting ready to head off to college. Starting the blog was a suggestion from some friends and family. I cannot say with certainty, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the suggesting came as a result of reading one too many angsty Facebook statuses from teenage Mike. 

Fortunately, in 2015 when I decided to breathe new life into the blog I deleted all the original posts. True to dinosaur form, and my love for hard copies of books, articles, and all things written I do have printed copies of some of the better reflections from the blog's first chapter. Buy me a coffee and just maybe I'll share a copy of two with you. 

Chapter two of the blog started in 2015, with 22 reflections posted. In addition to these reflections, I updated the about me section of the blog. A section that was again amended in 2017 and has been updated again (2022). In 2015 having just graduated from college there were still remnants of angsty teenage Mike but more and more the reflections became focused on my academic passions and theological pursuits most particularly an attempt at reflections on the readings from Mass on Sunday. Here is what the about me section used to say (included here for your enjoyment but also for a historical record for when I inevitably change it again). "Hey everyone, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Mike Ingram and this is my blog. I graduated from Aquinas College (May 2015) Grand Rapids MI with a BA, having majored in Theology, and minored in History and Catholic Studies. I then furthered my academic career by attending the University of Dayton, Dayton, Ohio to pursue a Master's in Theological Studies (August 2017). Since graduating from the University of Dayton I have been working as an Area Coordinator at Aquinas College. In my free time and when feeling most passionate I take time to write reflections. In the event that I am ever quoting scripture it is either coming from the USCCB, or my personal bible, Saint Benedict Press NAB Revised Edition, translation approved by AC of the USCCB in November 2008, and September 2010, Copyright 2011, any quotes used I will give the name, and only provide a full citation as needed, case by case, as requested. Please always feel free to comment or contact me directly to further any and all fruitful conversation."

With 22 posts in 2015 it's interesting to look back and now see that in 2016 (2), 2017 (5), 2018 (6), 2019 (6), 2020 (2), and 2021 (6) a total of six years I only had 27 posts (with this post, 2022 has 1 post). 

Over the last six years, I have identified a number of reasons for why the sudden drop-off in posts. First, I was in grad school, life was not my own and there was too much reading and writing to be done elsewhere. Second, I had just finished grad school I was tired of reading and writing. Third, I was starting a new job that I failed epically at establishing a work-life balance in. Fourth, I didn't have a laptop. Fifth my Chrome book sucked. Sixth, I was moving out of state and starting a new job with about as much luck establishing work-life balance as the last job. Seventh, I once again didn't have a laptop. Eighth, I bought a new MacBook Air, but was once again moving states and starting a new job that was going to take a lot of focus and energy (proud to say I've gotten a little bit better at balancing work and life). Ninth, I didn't have a nice desk in my home office to work at (new desk thanks to Facebook marketplace in March/April). Tenth, I didn't love my desk chair (new desk chair thanks to Facebook marketplace in April/May). Eleventh, all my great ideas come to me when I'm driving back and forth from Michigan to Ohio and by the time I reach my destination all brilliance and desire to write has vanished. Reason D, all of the above plus not having my go-to coffee shop that I absolutely love and do my best writing at [RIP Saxbys/Tastefully Roasted (ok not actually RIP, but I do miss living in Dayton for this and a couple of other reasons)]. 

All these things are true and excellent excuses. However, I think the more accurate reason for the drop-off in posts and my inability to write more regularly is because without fully realizing it the about me section changed and needed to be updated. The blog seemed to have a clearly defined purpose. I seemed to have a clearly defined reason for writing and sharing my thoughts. Yet somewhere along the way I lost that purpose or perhaps more accurately the purpose shifted and it hasn't been until recently that I've been willing to really sit with and admit these things to myself or to those who from time to time read these posts. 

One thing that I remember clearly from 2015 when I was posting the most was the advice that I got to keep these posts short. With that in mind come back later today or tomorrow for part two of this adventure New Chapters: The Future of a Blog.