The Word of the Day is Ephphatha!

For several weeks now I have been struggling through the latest Church scandals. As article after article and revelation after revelation continue to come to light I find my days spent reading more and more trying to figure out what exactly my thoughts are. My brother noted while sharing an article with me "that my week was about to become a whole Hell of a lot worse." he was right and his pun was well noted and appreciated.

The days have been long the weeks have been restless and each new article, each new gruesome detail has weighed on me/my soul in a way that can only be described as exhausting.

Since the first notions of this scandal, this abysmal, unconscionable, shameful, current state of the Church I stated that "As much as I might want it to be, as much as I might want to, this is not the time to defend the Church. What is needed now is justice and immense reform." I've spent countless hours wanting nothing more than to yell loudly. I have spent time yelling loudly, both in living reality and by means of sharing statuses and articles on Facebook. Likewise, I attempted to get away from it all. I tried to avoid the topic altogether. I tried not talking about it, reading about it, or thinking about it. This only resulted in my thinking and reading about it all the more.

I have spent countless hours talking through and examining the nuanced details of the Church, in my own way trying desperately to muddle through this bleak existence as a Catholic in the Church today without coming to the conclusion that the only path forward is to burn it all down. None of this seemed to be enough, as I continued to read article after article and have conversation after conversation the weight, the immense weight, continued to utterly crush me.

Until one night I sat at my desk looking at all the books, specifically all my Catholic theological books, I love so much and began to weep. A single tear slide down my cheek. Fortunately, I have amazing friends and family who listen to me and support me when I need it most. From phone calls to Facebook messages to turning bible study into a small group working through this issue together, I continue to read and dialogue.

Yet still, I found myself lacking sufficient words. Angrily yelling about the need for priests to be defrocked and referring to bishops letters as toothless and spineless is rarely productive and not a message that encapsulates all that I feel in the present moments of my life as a Catholic.

Then I went to mass on Sunday and heard the gospel reading paired with an inspirational homily. As I sat in the pew in the back I realized I finally know what I want to say...

The word of the day is Ephphatha, a Greek word meaning 'be opened.' As the mass continued on I began to think specifically how this notion of being open was directly linked to what I was feeling with regard to the Church and the sex abuse scandal.

What the Church needs now is to be opened. What Catholics need now is to be opened. Open to change! Open to admitting that priest, bishops, cardinals, and popes have failed. Open to the devastating reality that this scandal is real and that it has torn people apart. Open to hearing the accounts of the victims brutally attacked, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and I'm sure in ways I can't even begin to imagine. The Church needs to be open to the criticism of the secular world, as well as her own people. Open to the reality that Church officials and former priests need to be sitting in a jail cell. The Church needs to be open moving forward providing transparency.

There is so much that the Church needs to be open to at this time. As part of the Church, I also need to be open to all of these things.

It won't be easy, it will become a whole hell of a lot worse, and it will weight on my soul. Fortunately, I have the support I need. I hope I can be that same support to others in my openness.

That’s Not How Prayer Works!

For the past three years, this has not only been a phrase I have found myself saying (yelling) with great frequency, it has become a bit of an inside joke with my family.

The better portion of the last six years of my life has been spent studying theology and spirituality in an academic setting. While this has been a tremendously informative and formative time of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything I’m now however left trying to navigate how to utilize this knowledge in a way that is beneficial to the Church and those around me, as well as myself. Often enough, the best application of this knowledge, much to my dismay, is not in a lecture, or yelling of that’s not how prayer works.

As I continued to know that ‘That’s not how prayer works’ I couldn’t figure out how to adequately express that without people rolling their eyes thinking that’s just Mike yelling again… My solution to this came from an impromptu conversation before daily mass and from further reflection on a gospel passage several weeks later.

The conversation before mass and the account of a leper crying out asking to be healed. Both reminded me that at the end of the day prayer is a profound act of faith. While it selling a house may not be the result of a Joseph statue being buried in the yard, the act can still very much be a prayer. Getting a seat on an airplane while flying standby may not be the result of prayer, yet that doesn’t mean a prayer was not said.

Prayer, after all, is a profound act of faith that places the one praying in relationship with God. More accurately prayer as a profound act of faith places one in relatio with God. Use of relatio is an intentional use of the Latin root for the term. Instead of using relationship, which has its own meanings in society, relatio can be used to mean the fullness of relationship between the one who prays and God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Moving beyond the common platitudes of relationship as simply two good friends or even familial relationships, not to belittle these, provides an understanding of prayer as relatio, that places the one praying standing side by side with God, both looking upon that which God is looking at. As one prays in relatio to God they find that God’s loving gaze falls upon them. Even as they stand side-by-side, God’s loving gaze finds its way to look upon them.

With this complex and somewhat jarring understanding of prayer as relatio, it similar to many things in life is far easier said than done. Living this life of prayer, with prayer as relatio is no easy task and is in all reality a journey of each individual soul, in communion with all people of faith. In this way, and with this understanding of what prayer is, one can make a radical shift from having a prayer life to living instead a life of prayer.

A life of prayer is filled with relationship, as well as words, but also with beautiful and profound silence. Hans Urs Von Balthasar succinctly points out “the most intimate moments of human interaction are characterized not only by words but also by the more revealing absence of words” (Communio International Catholic Review “Toward a Theology of Christian Prayer). So too can this be said about prayer. The most intimate moments of prayer can be marked not only by the words that are uttered but also by the profound and at times deafening silence. A life of prayer begins to recognize that when one places oneself in relatio with God they are no longer limiting God’s presence in their life to the moments of prayer that they set aside for God. No longer is prayer regarded as a thing one does before meals, on Sundays at worship, or in times of need. Instead, prayer becomes a way of life.

 When one finds oneself living a life of prayer rather than having a prayer life they are likely to notice the true nature of prayer. Prayer, after all, is not meant to be in competition with other activities. In the place of a shallow and superficial understanding of prayer and relationship with God, one is able to breathe deeply knowing that they are living a life that draws them closer to union with God. A life that is no longer distracted by things that ultimately limit our potential. Instead one finds that their life is suddenly making more sense. They experience what it is like to live a life shoulder to shoulder with Jesus.

What Would You Say?

This past week I had the wonderful opportunity to go to San Diego for a conference at the University of San Diego. Before going to this conference I had no idea that the University of San Diego was Catholic, but sure enough, it is.

One of the first sessions I was able to attend (I may have missed the first session because I got lost) at this conference was a tour of the Founders Chapel. In addition to the rich history that I was able to learn about this institution itself as well as the worship space, I became mesmerized by the crucifix that hung behind the altar in a beautiful reredos. 

As I sat looking at this crucifix I was suddenly racing through thoughts I had had on the plane ride just that morning.

While stuck on the wonderfully small, not Mike sized, planes flying from Grand Rapids to Minneapolis and Minneapolis to San Diego I took the opportunity to listen to the audio version Fr. James Martin's SJ Jesus: A Pilgrimage.

As I listened to Fr. Martin read the book himself I began to think about how quickly he has become popular these past few years and most specifically how he has been able to publish so many books in the last few years. Anyone who knows me well knows that in part this thought was the result of admiration but also was a pang of resentment. The latter half explains why my next thought was 'well yeah, but some of his books were just reprinted speeches he gave.' Specifically, in this regard, I was thinking about his books Building a Bridge and Seven Last Words.

Seven Last Words is the book that became most relevant as I sat and gazed upon the crucifix in the Founders Chapel. Having enjoyed all of Martin's books that I have read/listened to at this point (Jesus: A Pilgrimage, The Abbey, Between Heaven and Mirth, Building a Bridge and Seven Last Words) I really do admire the man's ability to write in a way that is succinct yet takes a reader on a journey. In Seven Last Words, Martin takes his reader on a journey of the last words of Christ as recorded in the various gospel accounts.

Theologians and Christians have spent centuries debating over the meaning of what is reported to have been said from the cross. What I found particularly striking while looking at these statues in this chapel was that there is no freaking way we have all the last words of Jesus.

This is what I like to call a no duh moment (I have them frequently). Of course, we don't have all the last words of Jesus. However, the thought I found most interesting as I prayed at the foot of this cross was that I have gone years without ever stopping to wonder, 'what did Jesus say to his mom from the cross?'

This reredos very clearly shows Jesus on the cross with Mary at the foot of the cross. In the midst of his agony and suffering, this statue depicts Jesus, not yet dead, looking at his mother.

For the rest of the day the thought continued to poke at the back of my mind... 'What did he say to her?' and even more than that I wonder if what he said was able to comfort her.

If Mary was indeed there at the foot of the cross which I chose to believe she was, there is no way that Jesus didn't at the very least say goodbye to his mother.

I truly wonder what he said to her and what if any response she could give to him. What I am certain of is that Mary was there and together they wept.

All Are Welcome?

Cardinal Burke once again made headlines recently. Having nothing but respect and admiration for the most holy red-hatted cardinal I was shocked to find that I yet again completely and utterly disagreed with him. This should, of course, come as no real shock as it happens every time the man makes headlines. Ok, maybe stating I have nothing but respect and admiration was a bit of an overstatement. That or just a bold-faced lie.

While I could claim I dutifully took note of what the Cardinal had to say the reality, is I saved many articles covering what he had said to read later. Ultimately, however, I moved on with my day and my life with little more than an eye roll saying great Burke’s at it again. That is until today.

Today at mass we once again sang for the opening hymn All Are Welcome. A song I’ve heard dozens of times. A song that elicited from the priest a joke about all being welcomed including me. I and the rest in attendance laughed. Perhaps one or two had the passing thought if only Ingram (as the priest referred to me) weren’t welcome.

As we sang this opening hymn, I was left to wonder, we sing this, we say this, but do we [we being the Church (the Church being the Catholic flavor)], actually believe it to the point of making it a reality?

This is where Cardinal Burke came to mind. As we sang the second verse to the song I began to think of the idea what if the song was re-written, specifically by someone musically inclined and with a slight ax to grind with the Church (I fortunately or unfortunately am only one of those, but have a friend who is both All Are Welcome Re-Written Listen Here).

I thought of the following: all are welcome except… all are welcome unless… all are welcome but…

The welcome expressed in this hymn and the welcome born out of the life and teaching of Jesus is unconditional. Yet far too often the welcome of the Church is very conditional…

All are welcome unless you can’t donate enough per year. All are welcome except those who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. All are welcome unless you are divorced and remarried (as Burke would claim). All are welcome but first, you must xyz.

While I understand that the Church as an institution needs guidelines, needs standards, needs accountability, I just wish the Church were better at holding herself accountable. I really wish the Church were better at recognizing how often the Church falls short of the standards the Church has set.  Not only the standards set by Jesus but the standards set by the institution itself.

I’m tired of the Church pretending to be welcoming. Jesus’ welcome was not conditional. Why is ours?

Holiness

Several months ago I was able to attend a pub theology that looked at the concept of holiness. Now, unfortunately, my schedule ran away from me and I wasn't able to attend the event as well researched or prepared as I would have liked. This was the case so much so that while driving to the event I reached out to a couple of friends and asked them to quickly look up the definition for me in the Catechism of the Catholic Church for holiness.

As I found parking one responded and told me they didn't find one. Being the trusting person I am waiting at the bar for my drink I did a quick google search on my phone pulling up the online Catechism myself looking for the definition I knew had to be there... Odd as it turned out my friend was right. No such entry was to be found. Annoyed I went and joined the rest of the group to have the nights discussion.

While I can't remember too many of the details from the conversation, I do remember there being some great conversation about the distinctions we make between holiness and sacredness, and the various feelings and experiences that go along with the two. 

After the conversation at the pub, I was then on a mission. What is the Catholic Church's definition of holiness? With this question in mind and wanting a specific 'dictionary' definition I went to my office and began my research.

My go-to books for researching topics like this. (United States Catechism for Adults, Idiots Guide to the Catholic Catechism, YOUCAT, Baltimore Catechism, Compendium to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the Documents of Vatican II).

The two books that proved to be the most useful here were the United States Catholic Catechism for Adults and the Documents of Vatican II. 

Once again finding and baffled by the fact that the Catechism itself did not have a glossary entry for holiness, I was glad to see the United States Catholic Catechism for Adults did... That is I was glad until I read it. According to the text, holiness is, "A state of goodness in which a person--with help of God's grace, the action of the Holy Spirit, and a life of prayer--is freed from sin and evil. Such a person, when gifted with holiness, must still resist temptation, repent of sins that may be committed, and realize that remaining holy is a lifelong pilgrimage with many spiritual and moral challenges. The struggles evident in the lives of the saints are instructive when trying to explain and describe holiness." I don't love this definition, but find some value in the last lines of being stuck trying to describe holiness by means of the lives and actions of the saints/saintly people. Otherwise, I think this definition is fairly useless. 

With this in mind, I continued searching. Unsatisfied with what I could find in the means of 'dictionary'/glossary definitions I optimistically turned to Vatican II. 

While I am personally slightly obsessed with Vatican II I find that the Vatican II document, Lumen Gentium (Light of the nations), the Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, in dedicating its 5th chapter to the concept of "The Call to Holiness" does an amazing job at offering insights into what holiness is.

Keeping in mind my obsession with the Vatican II documents, and an inability to be concise in anyway, I now feel obligated to provide you with the direct quotes from the document itself. 

The second paragraph under section 40 states, "It is therefore quite clear that all Christians in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of love, and by this holiness a more human manner of life is fostered also in earthly society. In order to reach this perfection the faithful should use the strength dealt out to them by Christ's gift, so that, following in his footsteps and conformed to his image, doing the will of God in everything, they may wholeheartedly devote themselves to the glory of God and to the service of their neighbor. Thus the holiness of the People of God will grow in fruitful abundance, as is clearly shown in history of the Church through the life of so many saints...

(Now on to section 41) 

The forms and tasks of life are many but holiness is one--that sanctity which is cultivated by all who act under God's Spirit and, obeying the Father's voice and adoring God the Father in spirit and in truth, follow Christ, poor, humble and cross-bearing, that they may deserve to be partakers of his glory. Each one, however, according to his own gifts and duties must steadfastly advance along the way of a living faith, which arouses hope and work through love." (these excerpts were taken from the Flannery translation of Vatican II this chapter was specifically translated by Fr. Joseph M. de Torre).

In light of these passages, and relying on them specifically do I find myself feeling a slight confidence in saying I have the start to an understanding of what holiness might be. 

Peace and Blessings Always 

~M

Our Lady's Windows

As I sit at mass no matter what church I am in I find myself naturally drawn to the windows. This I am sure is the result of growing up going to mass at a church with some of the most beautiful stained glass windows in West Michigan.

While I was not part of the planning committee or involved in the conversations regarding the building of the Chapel, Our Lady Seat of Wisdom, I have no doubt that windows, stained or not, occupied many hours of discussion and impassioned debate. Now, of course, my not being apart of these conversations did not preclude me from having an opinion on the matter. I was naturally an advocate for having stained glass.

I cannot express how thrilled I am that I was not able to voice that opinion and that the chapel has been built without any stained glass windows. A statement I never thought I'd make about a church.

Walking across campus one can clearly see through the trees a beacon of light that is the chapel. This is only made possible because of the massive windows. While sitting inside the Chapel, you are immediately exposed to the natural beauty that the campus has to offer. In the fall you can watch as the beautiful foliage begins to change colors. As the leaves fall the vibrant colors provide the perfect backdrop for contemplative reflection. Even in the winter months as the trees stand bare, reaching for the sky, swaying in the wind, they have a simple and subtle beauty that is most profound. A beauty that is only enhanced as the setting sun shines behind them.

Sitting in mass in this holy space, during the most sacred moments of the liturgy one is able to sit and marvel at the world around them as it carries on. Likewise, the world around, as it passes by, is able to stop and glimpse what is taking place. So much so that one altar server is able to recount an instance during the Eucharistic prayer that a passerby stopped and waited, watching through the window pausing, for the briefest of moments, in wonder and awe, at the source and summit of the faith before continuing on to their destination.

These windows, these simple, these nonstained windows, provide those willing to stop and look a profound glimpse into the beauty of the natural world, as well as, the beauty of the mass.

Peace and Blessings Always

~M