The Word of the Day is Ephphatha!

For several weeks now I have been struggling through the latest Church scandals. As article after article and revelation after revelation continue to come to light I find my days spent reading more and more trying to figure out what exactly my thoughts are. My brother noted while sharing an article with me "that my week was about to become a whole Hell of a lot worse." he was right and his pun was well noted and appreciated.

The days have been long the weeks have been restless and each new article, each new gruesome detail has weighed on me/my soul in a way that can only be described as exhausting.

Since the first notions of this scandal, this abysmal, unconscionable, shameful, current state of the Church I stated that "As much as I might want it to be, as much as I might want to, this is not the time to defend the Church. What is needed now is justice and immense reform." I've spent countless hours wanting nothing more than to yell loudly. I have spent time yelling loudly, both in living reality and by means of sharing statuses and articles on Facebook. Likewise, I attempted to get away from it all. I tried to avoid the topic altogether. I tried not talking about it, reading about it, or thinking about it. This only resulted in my thinking and reading about it all the more.

I have spent countless hours talking through and examining the nuanced details of the Church, in my own way trying desperately to muddle through this bleak existence as a Catholic in the Church today without coming to the conclusion that the only path forward is to burn it all down. None of this seemed to be enough, as I continued to read article after article and have conversation after conversation the weight, the immense weight, continued to utterly crush me.

Until one night I sat at my desk looking at all the books, specifically all my Catholic theological books, I love so much and began to weep. A single tear slide down my cheek. Fortunately, I have amazing friends and family who listen to me and support me when I need it most. From phone calls to Facebook messages to turning bible study into a small group working through this issue together, I continue to read and dialogue.

Yet still, I found myself lacking sufficient words. Angrily yelling about the need for priests to be defrocked and referring to bishops letters as toothless and spineless is rarely productive and not a message that encapsulates all that I feel in the present moments of my life as a Catholic.

Then I went to mass on Sunday and heard the gospel reading paired with an inspirational homily. As I sat in the pew in the back I realized I finally know what I want to say...

The word of the day is Ephphatha, a Greek word meaning 'be opened.' As the mass continued on I began to think specifically how this notion of being open was directly linked to what I was feeling with regard to the Church and the sex abuse scandal.

What the Church needs now is to be opened. What Catholics need now is to be opened. Open to change! Open to admitting that priest, bishops, cardinals, and popes have failed. Open to the devastating reality that this scandal is real and that it has torn people apart. Open to hearing the accounts of the victims brutally attacked, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and I'm sure in ways I can't even begin to imagine. The Church needs to be open to the criticism of the secular world, as well as her own people. Open to the reality that Church officials and former priests need to be sitting in a jail cell. The Church needs to be open moving forward providing transparency.

There is so much that the Church needs to be open to at this time. As part of the Church, I also need to be open to all of these things.

It won't be easy, it will become a whole hell of a lot worse, and it will weight on my soul. Fortunately, I have the support I need. I hope I can be that same support to others in my openness.