For the past three years, this has not only been a phrase I have found myself saying
(yelling) with great frequency, it has become a bit of an inside joke with my family.
The better portion of the last six years of my life has been spent studying theology and
spirituality in an academic setting. While this has been a tremendously informative and formative
time of my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything I’m now however left trying to navigate
how to utilize this knowledge in a way that is beneficial to the Church and those around me, as
well as myself. Often enough, the best application of this knowledge, much to my dismay, is not
in a lecture, or yelling of that’s not how prayer works.
As I continued to know that ‘That’s not how prayer works’ I couldn’t figure out how to
adequately express that without people rolling their eyes thinking that’s just Mike yelling
again… My solution to this came from an impromptu conversation before daily mass and from
further reflection on a gospel passage several weeks later.
The conversation before mass and the account of a leper crying out asking to be healed.
Both reminded me that at the end of the day prayer is a profound act of faith. While it selling a
house may not be the result of a Joseph statue being buried in the yard, the act can still very
much be a prayer. Getting a seat on an airplane while flying standby may not be the result of
prayer, yet that doesn’t mean a prayer was not said.
Prayer, after all, is a profound act of faith that places the one praying in relationship with
God. More accurately prayer as a profound act of faith places one in relatio with God. Use of
relatio is an intentional use of the Latin root for the term. Instead of using relationship, which
has its own meanings in society, relatio can be used to mean the fullness of relationship between
the one who prays and God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Moving beyond the common platitudes
of relationship as simply two good friends or even familial relationships, not to belittle these,
provides an understanding of prayer as relatio, that places the one praying standing side by side
with God, both looking upon that which God is looking at. As one prays in relatio to God they
find that God’s loving gaze falls upon them. Even as they stand side-by-side, God’s loving gaze
finds its way to look upon them.
With this complex and somewhat jarring understanding of prayer as relatio, it
similar to many things in life is far easier said than done. Living this life of prayer, with prayer as
relatio is no easy task and is in all reality a journey of each individual soul, in communion with
all people of faith. In this way, and with this understanding of what prayer is, one can make a
radical shift from having a prayer life to living instead a life of prayer.
A life of prayer is filled with relationship, as well as words, but also with beautiful and
profound silence. Hans Urs Von Balthasar succinctly points out “the most intimate moments of
human interaction are characterized not only by words but also by the more revealing absence of
words” (Communio International Catholic Review “Toward a Theology of Christian Prayer). So
too can this be said about prayer. The most intimate moments of prayer can be marked not only
by the words that are uttered but also by the profound and at times deafening silence. A life of
prayer begins to recognize that when one places oneself in relatio with God they are no longer
limiting God’s presence in their life to the moments of prayer that they set aside for God. No
longer is prayer regarded as a thing one does before meals, on Sundays at worship, or in times of
need. Instead, prayer becomes a way of life.
When one finds oneself living a life of prayer rather than having a prayer life they are
likely to notice the true nature of prayer. Prayer, after all, is not meant to be in competition with
other activities. In the place of a shallow and superficial understanding of prayer and relationship
with God, one is able to breathe deeply knowing that they are living a life that draws them closer
to union with God. A life that is no longer distracted by things that ultimately limit our potential.
Instead one finds that their life is suddenly making more sense. They experience what it is like to
live a life shoulder to shoulder with Jesus.
