"No Answers Only Questions"

 Riding with me can be a bit of an adventure. No not because of my reckless driving. In fact, on more than one occasion I've been reminded I no longer drive a Buick, not need to drive like a grandpa. While I certainly spent some time as a youth rushing from place to place I'd like to think my motto of don't be hasty not only applies to my walking, decision making, speech pattern, and most every other aspect of my life, but also to my driving (the handful of speeding tickets also helped me learn to slow down while driving and be a bit more cautious). 

No the reason why riding with me (at least the reason for this post) has much more to do with the fancy new car I have that connects to my phone. From listening to an audiobook at two times the speed, or one of my favorite NPR podcasts one is never too certain what will come on the radio when I'm driving. This is particularly true if I haven't been listening to a podcast or audiobook recently. In those events, my phone automatically goes to my iTunes and starts to play the music I have there. The only problem with this is I've not gone about adding music to my phone ever. The only music that is readily available in iTunes comes from one specific playlist. This is the purchased playlist. I have not actively purchased anything from iTunes since I was in college. More specifically much of the music that I did purchase from iTunes was done during my high school years. Like I said, riding with me can be one hell of an adventure. Beyond attempting to navigate the eclectic taste in music I had from when I was 14 to 22 there is another unique category of music that can be found in that playlist. 

That is the category of music specifically purchased for my dad that I helped him add to an iPod shuffle he had. He would give me cash or an iTunes gift card and I would buy whatever album he wanted, add it to the "dad" playlist and transfer the music to his iPod every so often. For the most part, I never gave the songs much thought or attention. Truth be told I completely forgot about this until I was driving and couldn't figure out what some of these songs were and why they were on my phone. I then remembered this ancient practice of purchasing music and putting the songs on the iPod. 

More often than not, I find myself skipping these songs. However, there was one in particular that I've come to really enjoy. I don't know why I first listened to it, maybe I liked the tone that it set, maybe I was just too slow skipping (after all one must not be too hasty). 

The song in question is the title of this reflection: No Answers Only Questions (Final Version) by The Alan Parsons Project (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xH59A_8M3A). 

If you've never heard of this song give it a listen (link above). Listening to this song on repeat last week helped inspire me to write the last two reflections I shared. It helped remind me that it's ok to sit with the questions. I hope you find this song and its lyrics as beautiful, calming, and comforting as I do. 

Some of us laugh,

Some of us cry,

Some of us lay back - watch the world go by.

Some of us fear,

Some of us hate,

Some of us won't wake up 'till it's too late!

The distance between us is a mystery to us all,

The difference between us is so small!

There are no answers, only questions

And we're all strangers to the truth

But in my mind's eye

I have found the reason why

And I carry the burden of the proof.

Why do we fight?

Why do we fall?

Why do we stand there - backs against the wall?

Why don't we change?

Why don't we try?

Why don't we turn 'round, help the other guy?

The distance between us is a mystery to us all,

The difference between us is so small

There are no answers, only questions

And we're all strangers to the truth

But in my mind's eye

I have found the reason why

And I carry the burden of the proof

And I carry the burden of the proof.

New Chapters: The Future of a Blog

 In my last post, I provided a brief history of this blog and roughly twelve reasons (excuses) for why my commitment to writing reflections dropped off. Perhaps one of the biggest reasons (not an excuse) was a massive case of writer's block brought on by ridiculous expectations. See the truth is when it comes to my writing and reflections I have a fairly low level of confidence. Sure there are certain pieces that I think are amazing, certain research papers from school that I take a particular level of pride in, but all in all, over the years I've found myself questioning why I bother putting thoughts to paper (even electronic paper). I found myself thinking that if there wasn't anything truly uniquely profound or new that I was sharing what was the point of sharing at all. 

Fortunately, over the years I have had a number of supportive friends who have always encouraged my writing. Yet never the less I wondered what was the purpose of me writing these blogs posing questions if I couldn't answer them with some kind of brilliance. 

In December I was reminded by a friend that sometimes what can be most appreciated is asking the questions, truly sitting with them, and letting them bother me. In a more recent conversation with that same friend, I was talking with them about a Dominican Motto that I have had in my email signature since (I think February) 2014. This motto "Contemplare et contemplata aliis tradere" "To contemplate and share with others the fruits of our contemplation" has been something I have personally identified with deeply since I spent time visiting the Dominican Priory in St. Louis in February of 2014. During this most recent conversation, I was giving myself a hard time saying I am exceptionally good at the first half of the motto. I greatly enjoy sitting and contemplating. Or as I often say with other friends I greatly enjoy sitting and pondering Something I do so much my friend Brian and I as well as my friend Kara and I have our own inside jokes (mostly just them making fun of me) about me sitting around always pondering. 

With this motto in mind and more specifically with a desire to be more committed to the second half, not just the first my goal for this blog, the new about me section, is to share fruits. The fruits may not always be picture-perfect, they may not be polished and brilliant, and at times it may be nothing more than sharing some questions that have been bothering me or explaining insights into how I think about things and go about my day-to-day existence. 

So if you're ever wondering what has Mike been thinking about lately hopefully you won't need to look too much further than this blog. 

My home office/study/almost library aka one of my favorite views when pondering. 

Old Chapters: The Brief History of a Blog

 If you were to take a close look at the blog you might notice that I first started writing these reflections in 2015. While that appears to be the case the reality is that I actually created this blog way back in 2011. It was spring. I was graduating high school, I had just gotten a new laptop and was getting ready to head off to college. Starting the blog was a suggestion from some friends and family. I cannot say with certainty, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the suggesting came as a result of reading one too many angsty Facebook statuses from teenage Mike. 

Fortunately, in 2015 when I decided to breathe new life into the blog I deleted all the original posts. True to dinosaur form, and my love for hard copies of books, articles, and all things written I do have printed copies of some of the better reflections from the blog's first chapter. Buy me a coffee and just maybe I'll share a copy of two with you. 

Chapter two of the blog started in 2015, with 22 reflections posted. In addition to these reflections, I updated the about me section of the blog. A section that was again amended in 2017 and has been updated again (2022). In 2015 having just graduated from college there were still remnants of angsty teenage Mike but more and more the reflections became focused on my academic passions and theological pursuits most particularly an attempt at reflections on the readings from Mass on Sunday. Here is what the about me section used to say (included here for your enjoyment but also for a historical record for when I inevitably change it again). "Hey everyone, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Mike Ingram and this is my blog. I graduated from Aquinas College (May 2015) Grand Rapids MI with a BA, having majored in Theology, and minored in History and Catholic Studies. I then furthered my academic career by attending the University of Dayton, Dayton, Ohio to pursue a Master's in Theological Studies (August 2017). Since graduating from the University of Dayton I have been working as an Area Coordinator at Aquinas College. In my free time and when feeling most passionate I take time to write reflections. In the event that I am ever quoting scripture it is either coming from the USCCB, or my personal bible, Saint Benedict Press NAB Revised Edition, translation approved by AC of the USCCB in November 2008, and September 2010, Copyright 2011, any quotes used I will give the name, and only provide a full citation as needed, case by case, as requested. Please always feel free to comment or contact me directly to further any and all fruitful conversation."

With 22 posts in 2015 it's interesting to look back and now see that in 2016 (2), 2017 (5), 2018 (6), 2019 (6), 2020 (2), and 2021 (6) a total of six years I only had 27 posts (with this post, 2022 has 1 post). 

Over the last six years, I have identified a number of reasons for why the sudden drop-off in posts. First, I was in grad school, life was not my own and there was too much reading and writing to be done elsewhere. Second, I had just finished grad school I was tired of reading and writing. Third, I was starting a new job that I failed epically at establishing a work-life balance in. Fourth, I didn't have a laptop. Fifth my Chrome book sucked. Sixth, I was moving out of state and starting a new job with about as much luck establishing work-life balance as the last job. Seventh, I once again didn't have a laptop. Eighth, I bought a new MacBook Air, but was once again moving states and starting a new job that was going to take a lot of focus and energy (proud to say I've gotten a little bit better at balancing work and life). Ninth, I didn't have a nice desk in my home office to work at (new desk thanks to Facebook marketplace in March/April). Tenth, I didn't love my desk chair (new desk chair thanks to Facebook marketplace in April/May). Eleventh, all my great ideas come to me when I'm driving back and forth from Michigan to Ohio and by the time I reach my destination all brilliance and desire to write has vanished. Reason D, all of the above plus not having my go-to coffee shop that I absolutely love and do my best writing at [RIP Saxbys/Tastefully Roasted (ok not actually RIP, but I do miss living in Dayton for this and a couple of other reasons)]. 

All these things are true and excellent excuses. However, I think the more accurate reason for the drop-off in posts and my inability to write more regularly is because without fully realizing it the about me section changed and needed to be updated. The blog seemed to have a clearly defined purpose. I seemed to have a clearly defined reason for writing and sharing my thoughts. Yet somewhere along the way I lost that purpose or perhaps more accurately the purpose shifted and it hasn't been until recently that I've been willing to really sit with and admit these things to myself or to those who from time to time read these posts. 

One thing that I remember clearly from 2015 when I was posting the most was the advice that I got to keep these posts short. With that in mind come back later today or tomorrow for part two of this adventure New Chapters: The Future of a Blog.